Thoughts

I Made My Decision

Our lives are made from the effects of our decisions because we live according to our decisions and its consequences. We’ve all made hard decisions at some time in our life, whether it be a serious or simple decision. I don’t know what kinds of decisions you have made. I don’t know what hardships you went through. But I do know that I’ve made a decision to find my happiness again. I’ve made a decision to give up something that was a part of my life for a long time. I’ve made a decision to let go of the past and look towards the future.
My most recent past felt like a toxic time in my life. I thought I was a grown-up and that I was making all the right decisions, regardless of any consequences. I thought the words that came out of my mouth and the ideas that were conceived in my mind were strong and true and noteworthy, but many times it may have just been nonsense. I had a partner-in-crime who stood by me and supported me in my toxic time. He didn’t like to play by the rules and he was outspoken and unafraid of anything. I thought, “That’s kind of like who I want to be. I think I want him in my life to help me find my happiness.” Little did I know at that time that happiness cannot be found by having someone make your decisions for you.
After 3 years, I realized that I didn’t need my partner-in-crime anymore. At that point, I didn’t know what to do. I had spent so much time with him, and he with me. We went through so much together. We tried many times to make things work. We tried to change things like our views and our life activities, to name a few. We tried. But now I see, now I know: it wasn’t the right change or all the tries that we did or needed. We should have known that drastically changing for one another was a bad thing.
My life in the recent past definitely changed, and I knew it too; my partner-in-crime played a factor in that. He added fuel to the fires in my life, when what I really needed was an extinguisher to help me compromise and make sense of things, instead of letting the fire grow so that it could burn everything and everyone around me, including myself at some point. Despite all the goodness and the sacrifices, despite all the love and the support, it was a facade on both of our parts in order to escape our realities when we should have faced it head on.
Now that I have made my decision, I am much happier. I feel and notice that I laugh more and that my laughs are full of life and not full of worries or concerns or acting. I am now working on taming the fires in my life without having someone there to add fuel to the fire. I can work on myself and my future without worrying about how someone else will feel about it. I can start to love myself without having someone do the loving for me and approve of my self-love.
Nobody really knows our own personal stories and why we make the decisions that we do. They only get “the gist of it,” the surface level. If they really care, they’ll take the time to listen to the whole story behind your decision. As long as you know that you’ve made the best decision, and if the people around you really cherish you, they will and should understand you. I’m hoping all the best for those of you who are looking to make a hard decision. Whatever you choose, know that you are not alone in your battle.
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2 thoughts on “I Made My Decision

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