Thoughts

Lying and Fighting and Fears, Oh My!

Do you ever feel like you’re living your life in fear? Fear of hurting others? Of hurting yourself? Fear of disappointing others? Fear of never being able to eat something again? Fear of never being able to watch something again? Fear of failing?

That’s me.

I live in a world of fears. Today I realized it after I finished eating. I realized how I fear that I won’t be able to eat this food and that food again so I overeat. I realized that I fear I won’t have time to watch this show and that show again on Netflix so I binge watch and neglect my studies and assignments. I fear hurting my parents’ feelings so I keep secrets from them and I don’t open up to them; I continue to never stand my ground and voice my opinions and get beat down; I hold grudges that I can’t seem to let go. I fear failing so I sike myself out of being confident and taking advantage of opportunities.

I always make promises to myself that I’ll change, that I’ll do better. But I’ve broken my own promises. How will I be able to ever accomplish anything if I continue to live in fear – if I can’t keep my own promises? Tomorrow is a new day, yes. But the next second, the next breath I take, is also a new moment. I have to do better. I have to be better. I have to beat my fears.

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